Conventional wisdom says that first you crawl before you walk. 50 Cent Bulletproof shoots this theory in the face, and decides to try to outrun a freight train before doing either. As you can imagine, it ends up falling a little flat. When working to get 50 Cent, his crew, Dre and Em, and 50's music and his videos into the game, the developers forgot one minor detail: the game.
Once upon a time, in a hood far, far away from reality, 50 Cent and the rest of G-Unit were taking care of business the only way they know how: by spitting lots of rhymes and even more bullets. Like the real-life Curtis Jackson, 50 takes nine in the back, and goes after the one who did it. Bulletproof touts a script by the writer of 50's movie, Get Rich or Die Tryin', but honestly the story rarely shows its head. To make matters worse, it's hard to find motivation from mission to mission, or even figure out what you have to do next.
Storylines are pretty insignificant in games with bodycounts this high, anyway. If you've done it in a third-person shooter before, you'll be doing it here - though in inferior fashion. Hostages don't live long enough to be useful, and usually talk after they die. Cover rarely stops enemy fire. Disarms are useless, because you can't get near anyone long enough to pull them off. Your backup does well in a firefight; in more puzzle-oriented situations, however, you sometimes have to literally push them into position. Robbing corpses is one of the few new mechanics - but we'll wait until the sequel, when 50 will no doubt pee on his deceased foes' bodies.
Of course, the game can barely do run-and-gun shooting right, so expecting these features to be well implemented is extremely wishful thinking. Enemies are dead-eyed snipers with ninja speed. You, on the other hand, have no lock-on targeting and moves like you just hit the pipe. If only 50 Cent was bulletproof like the name says. He's not, and you'll die time and time again.
The simple fact that 50, Eminem, and others are in here - and look as good as they do - will satisfy G-Unit groupies. But even they will be ticked off at the dropped ball in regards to audio. Yes, there's a ton of music in here, but you have to unlock it. The voiceovers by these hip-hop heroes prove that rappers aren't actors. They're not video game stars, either, if 50 Cent Bulletproof is any indication.