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Oh, Final Fantasy XIV, whose dreams won't you destroy? After gamers’ tepid reception of the expensive MMO, publisher Square Enix has reduced its earnings forecasts for the remainder of the fiscal year from 12 billion yen to 1 billion (from about $142 million to $12 million)...

Sometimes, we love our jobs. Forget the free games and attractive jarnalist dental plans. Occasionally, a story just comes along and makes you realise what a wonderful world of entertaining interactive products we exist in. So, it’s with great joy we present a Japanese Sega title that makes a game out of taking a piss in a public toilet. What a monumental day to be a games jarnalist.

Concerned friends and family of analyst Michael Pachter, one of the internet’s most commonly quoted sources of games industry speculation, spoke to us today to express their unease with his progressing ‘career.’

“I was surprised when I discovered he was still doing this,” said a now-estranged friend, who hasn’t spoken to Pachter since 2007.  When asked how Pachter got his start, the source explained, “It was just me and him and a few friends, nothing big. We’d talk about games, make little predictions... a bet here, a bet there, and occasionally he'd be right, or at least close.”

We’ve heard of extreme makeovers before. But in Ms. Valentine’s case, it’s just getting ridiculous now. Jill getting yet another facelift isn’t the only headline news about the 3DS’ upcoming Resident Evil: Revelations. The game is going back to classic survival horror, with less ammo, more puzzles and a hell of a lot more scares than the action-orientated Resi 5. All the info after the undead jump…

Unless you're a dastardly old timey villain who occasionally morphs into a big-ass pig beastie, you probably love The Legend of Zelda's link. No matter the level of your love for the one in the green pyjamas, though, we doubt you love him as much as the folks at Kay Circle. You see, they've just created huge mosaics of Link and Princess Zelda using screenshots from every Zelda game every made. They've even included those god-awful CD-i efforts... 

Unless you've been off your tits on the wrong mushrooms for the last twelve months, you'll know that this year marks Mario's 25th birthday. Personally we''ve always thought he looked at least 35, but the given that the guy's spent the last two and a half decades working his arse off performing the kind of behind-enemy-lines extraction missions that would make the SAS wince, we think I can cut him some slack.

Anyway, as reward for all his years of slavish, selfless sacrifice, GamesMaster magazine are giving him his own issue. Fear not though, for the plumber will not be ousting all other gaming news with his bushy moustache of page-hogging tyranny. No, instead he's getting his own collector's edition special, which kickstarts a brand new 'GamesMaster Presents...' series of franchise-specific retrospectives. The guys from GM sit right next to us in the office, so we know it'll be good.

Thank the good undead lord above. It’s only taken the developer 14 years, but now it seems Capcom is finally giving players the ability to move and shoot simultaneously in a Resi game. But upcoming 3DS game Resident Evil: The Mercenaries 3D won’t only let you shuffle your feet while unloading a clip. No, you’ll also be able to play the entire game in first person if you so wish. All the zombified details after the jump...

The producer of the latest Golden Sun DS game says he's interested in the 3DS, but just like nearly everyone else in the industry, he's keeping any potential projects for the new Nintendo handheld shrouded in mystery...