The Moment: Jessica appears in a bedroom-set photoshoot for GQ , the spread enticingly trailed with the coverline, “Wake up to Jessica Alba”.
The Sexy: Wearing little more than a bedsheet and a smile, Alba manages to pull off the “just woken up” look with an unfeasible amount of sizzle.
If It Was Frumpy: She’d still be in bed, sporting a fetching set of hair-rollers, smoking a fag and reaching for the tin of Special Brew on her bedside table.
The Moment: Alba makes her Sin City bow in spectacular style, performing a steamy pole dance on stage at a sleazy strip bar. It would appear that Nancy Callahan is all grown-up.
The Sexy: As depressing as Nancy’s story is intended to be, director Robert Rodriguez can’t resist cranking the raunch up to 11 with this saucy set-piece. So celebrated is the scene, that Alba’s bra sold for $1,025 in an auction on eBay.
If It Was Frumpy: She’d be staring into the middle distance wearing an expression of mingled boredom and contempt rather than gyrating like her life depended on it.
The Moment: Into The Blue is basically one long excuse to get Jessica Alba into her bikini. Take your pick from any of her diving scenes in which the camera lingers lasciviously on her undulating body.
The Sexy: Jessica's in great shape here, rocking a physique that looks every inch the diver’s body. No wonder Paul Walker can’t keep his hands to himself.
If It Was Frumpy: The film might not have had quite the same effect if Jessica had spent more time trussed up in a full-body wetsuit.
The Moment: Jess talks sex in a 2008 interview with Allure . “I never believed women had to be virgins when they got married,” she begins, “or that a woman has to fall in love with a guy just because they're having sex. I don't think sex is a big deal. I hated the hypocrisy of it. Men can do whatever, and it's acceptable.”
The Sexy: She’s a gorgeous, confident woman who enjoys sex as an end in itself. What’s not to love?
If It Was Frumpy: She’d be dressed as Charlie Chaplin. Oh, hang on, she is! Weird.
The Moment: 2003 saw Jess star in dance flick Honey . The film is a load of old dross, but Alba does get ample opportunity to show off some pretty serious moves. In fact, you’d probably be better off just watching the accompanying music video from R&B crooner Shawn Desman – Jessica does the dancing for that as well.
The Sexy: As a wise man once said, her hips most certainly do not lie.
If It Was Frumpy: She’d bust out the funky chicken followed by a brief rendition of the hand jive.
The Moment: Robert Rodriguez is always keen to crowbar Miss Alba into his movies, and Machete was no exception. Jessica plays immigration agent Sartana Rivera, and in one of the film’s many deleted scenes, is revealed to be one of a pair of identical twins. Need we say more?
The Sexy: The situation is best summed up by the way one of the girls’ date’s eyes light up at the realisation she’s a twin.
If It Was Frumpy: They’d be wearing matching woollen jumpers with their initials knitted into the front.
The Moment: Jessica appears in a teaser poster for Good Luck Chuck , clutching an ice-cream and pouting like a champ. The film might not have been up to much, but at least it had this going for it.
The Sexy: Alba has set her pose to “smouldering” and that poor old ice-cream can’t stand the heat.
If It Was Frumpy: She’d have the remnants of a horrible, sticky Calippo oozing down her chin. Very much the poor man’s ice-cream…
The Moment: Jess makes fanboy dreams come true by donning a lycra jumpsuit to play Fantastic Four ’s Sue Storm. Whilst practically everything else about the film might have been a disappointment, she did at least know how to fill out the costume.
The Sexy: There’s nothing sexier than a girl with super powers. By which of course we mean there’s nothing sexier than a girl in spandex.
If It Was Frumpy: She’d spend the entirety of the movie in her invisible state, with Alba simply providing the voice. Take that, perves!
The Moment: Jessica takes to the pages of Rolling Stone magazine in 2005 to show off her new belly-button piercing. Ooh, she’s got an edgy side, hasn’t she?
The Sexy: This is the appeal of the Alba in microcosm - wholesome tan, healthy flowing locks, slight hint of naughtiness. All the boxes are ticked.
If It Was Frumpy: She’d have a bit of seaweed tangled in her hair, all of which would be crowned by the classic knotted handkerchief. Maybe with a donkey standing somewhere in the background.
The Moment: Alba manages to top her Invisible Woman get-up with this stunning Gucci dress at the world premiere of Fantastic Four . Top marks to the stylist.
The Sexy: If we were being crude we’d refer to the side-boob on show, but we’re not going to. So there.
If It Was Frumpy: She could always hide behind Michael Chiklis. She’d probably only need to get behind one of his arms…