30 rules every RPG must follow

The perfect storyline outlined and spoiled

You've fully prepared yourself for a rich and rewarding life as a world-saving adventurer, so as you take your first timid steps out of town, don't feel bad about the thousands of animals you're about to butcher along your path of brutal carnage. Slaying every living creature you encounter is part of being an adventurer, and you've earned that title.

Your first battle will be a random encounter a few feet from your hometown’s gate. Monsters cover the entire world, except they never go into towns. Don't worry, the first one will be something like this.

During your scuffles with low-level creatures, you might get hurt. If you do, it's cool…

Just tell her to use magic and select the spell that heals. It will be the only spell. She’ll get dozens more with practice, but by the end of the game, you’ll only use two of them.

Above: That’s the one

Nothing can stop you now, so locate the nearby landmark. Whatever it is, that's where you're first quest is going to take place. After about 45 minutes of marching through it, you should arrive at a boss. After the fight get ready for…

In what seems like an amazing coincidence, you'll be drawn into a conflict that's much larger than yourself. What you're fighting against brings us to our second…

This non-specific, religiously affiliated organization seems austere and virtuous to the casual observer, but you'll discover that they're secretly collecting ancient artifacts from around the world. Their plan is to use them to summon the ultimate evil and bring about an age of suffering and theocracy.

Another thinly veiled allegorical enemy, the government has been harnessing technology for their nefarious plans. They're also looking for artifacts hidden around the world to power their ultimate creations.

Above: Probably a large plot twist

Now that you've discovered this crisis, try returning to town to let all your friends know about this imminent threat. However, just as you cross the last stretch of land, you'll see that…

And only moments before your return, drat! This will add a layer to the lacquer of motivation pushing you forward through the rest of the game. Also, your grandpa will die.

Above: Whoever this guys is, he’s a real jerk

Running into town to search for survivors, you'll…

Hopefully, the game won't make you go through the formality of getting your butt handed to you on a platter, and you'll just see a cutscene of it happening instead.

If you end up having to fight someone more than 20 levels higher than you, don’t worry about losing. There will be something that saves you before you're annihilated; usually the power of true love, and sometimes it's the true love of a recently deceased grandfather.

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