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25 Movie Lines You Must Never Quote

 

There's nothing wrong with seeing a film packed with catchphrases, then going round for a couple of weeks, repeating them to your mates.

It's one of the joys of cinema. But, be warned, there is a definite cut-off point. Two weeks after strolling out of the cinema, yes. Two years after watching the DVD - definitely no.

Below is a handy ticklist of the movie quotes you shouldn't be spouting, especially not if you're standing anywhere near us.
 

"Gosh!" Jon Heder Napoleon Dynamite (2004)

Movie Context: Anytime Napoleon has to do something he doesn’t like, he spouts this one - complete with breathy gasp and face frown.

Who’s Most Likely To Quote It: The neighbourhood Emo, when you tell him to stop cutting himself on your lawn.

Fitting Comeback: “I’ll give you something to be emotional about” followed by a karate chop to the throat.


 

"Zip It" Mike Myers Austin Powers The Spy Who Shagged Me (1999)

Movie Context: Dr. Evil talking to teenage son, Scott. This one is occassionally made more annoying by elaborations - www.zipit.com - and hand gestures.

Who’s Most Likely To Quote It: That smug business type who just cut in line at the coffee shop.

Fitting Comeback: Grab their hand as they make the ‘zip it’ gesture, and break all their fingers.

 
Next: Scarface, Jerry Maguire

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"Say hello to my little friend! " Al Pacino Scarface (1982)

Movie Context: Outnumbered, wounded and coked off his tits, Pacino pulls out the mother of all assault rifles and goes to town on his assailants.

Who’s Most Likely To Quote It: Chad, the trust fund ponce, as he pulls up outside the pub in his new convertible Porsche.

Fitting Comeback: A swift boot to the face, all made possible by the open topped nature of the convertible. Look away as if nothing happened.
 
 

 

"Show me the money!" Tom Cruise/Cuba Gooding Jr. Jerry Maguire (1995)

Movie Context: Jerry is trying to persuade client Rod Tidwell to stay with his agency – Rod wants Jerry to show him the money.

Who’s Most Likely To Quote It: Some Chugger (Charity Mugger), on the street asking for your pocket lining for faceless charity organisation.

Fitting Comeback: Calmly reply "no" and take the few footsteps it would require to reach a new chugger. If they manage to approach you without quoting the line, donate heavily.

 

Next: 300, Taxi Driver

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"This is SPARTA!" Gerard Butler 300 (2007)

Movie Context: King Leonidis reminds a Persian emissary exactly where he is.

Who’s Most Likely To Quote It: The Captain of the opposing 5-a-side team, full of semi-professionals, who've just scored their ninth goal of the first half.

Fitting Comeback: Leave your boot-print square on his chest, then once he’s down, continually impale him on your studded footwear, in occassional slow motion, barking "this is Hackney."

 

"You talkin’ to me?" Robert DeNiro Taxi Driver (1976)

Movie Context: Bobby D tries out his tough-man persona in the mirror.

Who’s Most Likely To Quote It: The ‘tough-guy’ in the nightclub who stands in your way and refuses to budge, even after you ask politely.

Fitting Comeback: “Yes” then break his nose with your forehead.

 

Next: Forrest Gump, Ace Ventura

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"Life is like a box of chocolates…" Tom Hanks Forrest Gump (1993)

Movie Context: Gump regales members of the public waiting at a bus stop with his mother’s various pearls of wisdom.

Who’s Most Likely To Quote It: The ‘friend’ who is trying to console your recent life drama/tragedy/relegation from the Premier League.

Fitting Comeback: “You’re right” before plucking out their eyeballs and eating them. Like a box of chocolates.


 

"Allllll righty then" Jim Carrey Ace Ventura: Pet Detective (1994)

Movie Context: Uttered sarcastically on several occasions, when in conversation with a lesser intellect.

Who’s Most Likely To Quote It: The call center customer service rep who is dealing with your complaint.

Fitting Comeback: Drive to call centre. Politely ask to speak to the rep. Forearm to the jaw. Drive away triumphant.

 

Next: Austin Powers, Braveheart

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"Do I make you horny baby?" Mike Myers Austin Powers IMM (1997)

Movie Context: Austin Powers talking to foxy female agent Liz Hurley.

Who’s Most Likely To Quote It: Your girlfriend’s guy ‘friend’ who is a little too flirtatious for his own good.

Fitting Comeback: “Yeah baby” – followed by an open palmed slap to the face. It will not only hurt, it will embarrass him sufficiently that he starts to cry.
 

 

"They may take our lives, but they’ll never take our freedom!" Mel Gibson Braveheart (1992)

Movie Context: Mel is trying to gee up the troops ahead of their fight with the English.

Who’s Most Likely To Quote It: Your boss on a highland ‘motivational retreat’.

Fitting Comeback: “I quit” – then ram your resignation down his throat, taking all his teeth with your fist.

 

Next: Wall Street, You Got Served

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“Greed is Good” Michael Douglas Wall Street (1987)

Movie Context: Gordon Gekko philosophises on the nature of stock broking to young buck Charlie Sheen.

Who’s Most Likely To Quote It: The investment banker at the next table down the pub.

Fitting Comeback: “The ‘80s just called, they want their mantra back” – then wrap his glass of Pimms round his smug grin.


 

"You Got Served" Omari Grandberry You Got Served (2004)

Movie Context: Having just won the dance competition, Omari turns to the leader of the rival dance group and boasts “You suckers got served”.

Who’s Most Likely To Quote It: A bystander during a public argument with your spouse/significant other, after your manhood is called into question.

Fitting Comeback: A berserker rage attack to the face, directing all your previous anger onto the big-mouthed bystander.
 

Next: Borat, Pulp Fiction

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"Is niiice " Sasha Baron Cohen Borat (2006)

Movie Context: Borat talking to camera during his adventures around the US.

Who’s Most Likely To Quote It: That group of office workers out to let their hair down after the working week.

Fitting Comeback: “2006 was three years ago, get over it” - then hit them so hard they get amnesia.


"Well there's this passage I got memorized. Ezekiel 25:17. "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you." I been sayin' that shit for years. And if you ever heard it, it meant your ass. I never gave much thought what it meant. I just thought it was some cold-blooded shit to say to a motherfucker before I popped a cap in his ass. I saw some shit this mornin' made me think twice. See now I'm thinkin', maybe it means you're the evil man. And I'm the righteous man. And Mr. 9 Milimeter here, he's the shepherd protecting my righteous ass in the valley of darkness. Or it could mean you're the righteous man and I'm the shepherd and it's the world that's evil and selfish. Now I'd like that. But that shit ain't the truth. The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin', Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be a shepherd . " Sam Jackson Pulp Fiction (1995)

Movie Context: Jules is imparting his fake biblical wisdom upon a group of young drug dealers.

Who’s Most Likely To Quote It: The guy at the office Christmas party who you have to play in the Guitar Hero Championship, who knows the whole speech.

Fitting Comeback: “You said it wrong” - then as he looks puzzled, twang him round the head with his guitar, barking "Say what again!"

 

Next: Dr No, Terminator 2

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"The namshe Bond, Jamshe Bond" Sean Connery Dr. No (1962)

Movie Context: Sean Connery’s Schottish Bond introduces himself, in mad plan of honesty, to everyone in Jamaica.

Who’s Most Likely To Quote It: Your ex's new Boyfriend, who is in a band or something.

Fitting Comeback: Strangle him with that From Russia With Love-style garotte-watch you got for Christmas last year.

 

 

"Hasta la vista, baby" Arnold Schwarzenegger T2: Judgement Day (1991)

Movie Context: The T-800 blows away the guy who replaced Mulder in X-Files. It's a brilliant line - but only when Arnie says it.

Who’s Most Likely To Quote It: The brown-noser at work, who thinks he’s everybody’s friend, and that he’s very, very cool.

Fitting Comeback: Drop a desk on his car, from the roof, while he’s inside.

 

Next: The Sixth Sense, The Shining

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"I see dead people" Haley Joel Osment The Sixth Sense (1999)

Movie Context: Creepy kid tells Dead Private Dick what’s troubling him.

Who’s Most Likely To Quote It: On one of those slogan tee-shirts that have infinitely more personality than people who wear them. 

Fitting Comeback: “Me too” – then pull on a bedsheet and ghost the hell out of him until he runs away screaming.


 

"Here’s Johnny" Jack Nicholson The Shining (1981)

Movie Context: Wacky Jack hacks through a door with an axe in a murderous rage.

Who’s Most Likely To Quote It: Johnny, the arrogant pretty boy that nobody likes but puts up with because he has a summer house in Wales.

Fitting Comeback : Knock him out, then – “And there he goes”.
 

Next: Lord Of The Rings: The Two Towers, Titanic

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"My precioussss" Andy Serkis Lord O f The Rings: The Two Towers (2002)

Movie Context: Gollum talking about the one ring, his raison d’etre.

Who’s Most Likely To Quote It: That guy in the extremely annoying cinema advert for the UK Film Industry.

Fitting Comeback: Burn down the cinema. Find the ad agency responsible, repeatedly punch them all in the face, track down the actor responsible and beat him a new face with one of his own arms.


 

"I’m King of the world!" Leo DiCaprio Titanic (1997)

Movie Context: Lowly con-man Leo is riding on the front of the Titanic, pre-Iceberg.

Who’s Most Likely To Quote It: James Cameron.

Fitting Comeback: A firm congratulatory hand-shake. It's Jim Cameron, he can do what he likes.

 

Next: Dirty Harry, Anchorman

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"Do you feel lucky, punk?" Clint Eastwood Dirty Harry (1971)

Movie Context: Clint has shot his Magnum six times… or was it five…?

Who’s Most Likely To Quote It: The wannabe pool shark who just challenged you to a game.

Fitting Comeback: Break your cue over his forehead. Insert cue where sun doesn’t shine. Leave, because you’re actually pretty rubbish at pool.
 

 


"I love lamp" Steve Carrell Anchorman (2004)

Movie Context: With an IQ of 48, Brick Tamland is trying to show he can love too, with hilarious results.

Who’s Most Likely To Quote It: That guy at work that’s seen Anchorman too many times.

Fitting Comeback: “If you love it so much, then eat it” – then literally force him to eat lamp.

 

Next: Monty Python And The Holy Grail, Aliens, Swingers

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"Ni" Michael Palin Monty Python And The Holy Grail (1975)

Movie Context: Arthur and the gang enter the Black Forest, to be confronted by the Knights who say “Ni”.

Who’s Most Likely To Quote It: Some kid in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, currently playing in your online game of Animal Crossing.

Fitting Comeback: Ticket to Baton Rouge. Baseball bat. Face.


 

"Game over man! Game over !" Bill Paxton Aliens (1986)

Movie Context: Paxton’s Marine panics when the Xenomorphs attack.

Who’s Most Likely To Quote It: A fan of the opposing football team, after they score in the last minute, winning the game.

Fitting Comeback: Throw him through the TV screen, then walk away cursing your team.


 

"You’re so money and you don’t even know it" Vince Vaughn Swingers (1996)

Movie Context: Vince Vaughn is trying to inspire confidence in sullen buddy Mike.

Who’s Most Likely To Quote It: Your ‘pulling machine’ friend who thinks he’s the biggest thing to happen to women since Grazia magazine.

Fitting Comeback: “We’re Total Film, of course we know how money we are” - then hobble both his legs.

 

Right, after all that, we're off to have a soothing bath, with some of that stress easing bubble-juice.

Any movie quotes you can't stand? Let us know in the comments.

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