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20 Most Rabidly Patriotic Games

America: The Game
Data Becker | 2001

While we applaud the bold name choice here, we do have some problems. First, how are we supposed to determine which "America" people are talking about? If someone says, "Damn, America sucks," we need to know immediately whether we should punch them in their traitorous faces or simply shrug with mild disinterest. Second, the West was definitely won... no way Old Glory would let that shit be lost.

Still, the unabashed tribute to America: The Country must be applauded. Bravo.


Freedom Fighters - 2003
EA | 2003

What if the Soviets dropped the atomic bomb first and ended World War II? What if the USSR never disbanded and ultimately invaded the United States? What if - gasp! - the president was arrested? Playing as a blue collar plumber turned revolutionary, you and a ragtag squadron will lead Guerrilla attacks on Soviet bases across New York in this playable version of Patrick Swayze favorite, Red Dawn. Who hasn’t had a war fantasy where America was the underdog?


Desert Strike/Jungle Strike/Urban Strike
EA | Early 90s

World War III is starting - no, wait - President Clinton’s motorcade needs protecting - wait - a military coup is threatening the government and its up to a single Apache/Comanche/Giant freakin’ gun-coptor to neutralize the threat. The Strike series could be the ultimate Air Force advertisement with all the America-saving you need to do. Why no other military personnel assists you is beyond us. Army of one indeed.


Metal Wolf Chaos
From Software | 2004

If you’ve never heard of this Japanese-only Xbox game, you’re in for a treat. When Vice President Richard Hawk stages a military coup against President Michael Wilson for supreme dominance of the US, you can bet Wilson rebounds as one kick-ass leader of the free world not unlike Harrison Ford from Air Force One. But would you expect Wilson to fight back inside a giant Anime mech? That’s right, the President fights the Vice President inside Voltron machines for the well-being of America, making this the most Japanese of our patriotic games. Has quite the cult following due to the hilarious Engrish voice acting. “SUCK MY MISSILE PUNCH.” Of course, Mr. President.


Tycoon Series
A bunch of publishers | Various years

Nothing is more American than capitalism, preferably of the "rampant" and "unchecked" variety. And nothing is more capitalist, rampant and unchecked in gaming than Tycoon, the series of business simulators that now number somewhere in the gazillions. Some, like Railroad Tycoon and Rollercoaster Tycoon, are totally legitimate. Others, like Cruise Ship Tycoon and Snowboard Park Tycoon, are cheap knockoffs. Still more, like Lemonade Tycoon and Fairy Godmother Tycoon, are just plain bizarre.

All, however, are making money off the appeal of making money. What lesson could be more crucial to our nation's children, the future CEOs, politicians and white collar criminals of the world?


Terrorist Takedown
Groove | 2004

Finally, a game that has its priorities straight. When you're taking down terrorists (hey, that must be where they got the title!), you don't want distractions. Fancy graphics and sound? Hell no - as long as we can tell we're in the desert (where terrorists live) holding a gun (for shooting terrorists) with a bunch of terrorists (terrorists), that's all that matters. Quality gameplay? Screw that! Stupidly easy on-rail missions may have gone out of style in the '90s, but the quicker we can spread democracy, baseball and SUVs, the better. Bring on the mind-numbing linearity!


GRAW 2
Ubisoft | 2007

For a game that takes place along the US-Mexican border, with "good" American soldiers laying waste to "evil" Mexican rebels, GRAW 2 is surprisingly even-handed. You fight alongside the Mexican army, receive orders from Mexican commanders and even rescue a caliente female Mexican journalist.

Somehow, though, the game still inspired the mayor of Chihuahua, an entire Mexican state, to call it "unnecessarily rude." Because pissing off other countries is what America does best - and also because we wanted to point out that Mexico has a stated named "Chihuahua" - GRAW 2 earns an honorable spot on our rabidly patriotic list.

 

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54 comments

  • sepirothpk - January 21, 2009 1:05 a.m.

    To America_FTW: America was hardly the underdog in WW@, they came in half way and were the only ones with nuclear weapons. And a lot of people weren't owned and America didn't take any of the brunt from the nazis and took credit for their defeat. USSR collapsed on itself while America was causing itself troubles. And you weren't the only army in the pacific (see: australia, who helped you a lot there). America's not neccesarily bad, but they have messed up a lot
  • MUSH-RUME - January 21, 2009 5:29 p.m.

    RULE BRITANNIA
  • Bonafiide - January 22, 2009 6:33 a.m.

    plumber turned fighter? sounds a little "IT'SA ME, MARIO!" to me
  • kibblesnbits1053 - January 24, 2009 1:52 a.m.

    I'm American and I hate Americans who think they are better than everyone. I also believe that this nation has ALOT to answer for, and not just in the past administration. Who cares if we beat Britain? Who cares if we led D-Day? We've made mistakes throughout the years, and I love America just as much as the next person, but one has to admit we aren't perfect. I'm behind my country as long as it does what is right for the world as a whole. I'm behind all countries that want to work towards the betterment of this planet. HUMANITY ftw.
  • kctusincmprndd - January 31, 2009 1:36 a.m.

    no offence to anybody but why people keep saying America to the country....... come on it is named United States of America and I said OF AMERICA. It is not named America. America is the continent in which millions of people live like me. So quit it....
  • DawgsFan117 - January 31, 2009 2:52 a.m.

    I agree with the above comment it is the USA. Also why is it that every european feels the need to bash the USA. We are just trying to catch up to all of yalls fuck ups along the way. Or does colonizing everything in Africa and the Americas and murdering millions not count as a major dick move. If you are going to look back at the USA's history please look at your own as well.
  • Anonymous93 - February 19, 2009 6:15 p.m.

    I also dont think any country is the geatest and those who think theirs is are probably a bunch of retards who dont know their history
  • Anonymous93 - March 17, 2009 11:34 a.m.

    I was actually criticising the British.
  • SuperBadnik - April 1, 2009 6:47 p.m.

    Ah America. A country built on genocide (of the native americans), which American's think is "freedom".
  • nadrewod999 - April 15, 2009 10:36 p.m.

    No offense to any die-hard loyalists in the chat room, but I think that we shouldn't see people from any one nation as a "superior race", but instead we should see everyone from every nation (AKA THE ENTIRE POPULATION OF HUMAN BEINGS) as "the most powerful race" on the planet Earth, and instead of getting into wars because one guy says "My country rules and your country drools." (I am looking at you, Bush. DON'T YOU DARE HIDE IN THAT TREEHOUSE, W!) Instead, we should put aside our differences (anyone who is racist/sexist/anything-else-ist should be put in solitary confinement until they decide to play nice with others) and work together, not just for the good of ourselves, but EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING ON THIS PLANET AND UNDER OUR PROTECTION! Maybe, just maybe, if we do this, there might be aliens that have been hiding just out of our sight who will see that we come in peace and begin communication with us (That was for the alien lovers out there, which I am not, although it will make life much better if the only fights we have are 1 or 2 fist fights about who needs to rake up some leaves that fell off of one person's tree and into another person's lawn, which can then be bandaged up, but no amount of gauze can heal someone who got headshot by a tank shell that then exploded on the spot)
  • Zeldrin - April 16, 2009 6:13 a.m.

    MGS actually comes appealingly close to the real US once you scratch the giant walkers and clones.
  • sprog - April 24, 2009 6:32 p.m.

    Some strong feelings here eh? I'm British, proud of my country. I admire America for going from a collection of colonies to the powerhouse it is today (read Crazy Horse and Custer by Stephen Ambrose - you'll be impressed). Likewise I admire Britain for staving off non-stop invasions and forging a world-spanning empire over hundreds of years, all from a tiny island. No amount of immature xenophobia will change those facts. France is still gay. Good feature btw.
  • FyshelStix - June 30, 2009 10:39 a.m.

    Great article but I don't agree with the one about Halo, in Fall of Reach I'm pretty sure it stated that the Human forces tried organise a peace between them and the Covenant. Also I've heard American, English and Australian accents in the Halo games.
  • HypureLunatic - June 30, 2009 9:41 p.m.

    @souleater77 there were 6 men raising the flag, 5 marines and 1 sailor Michael Strank, USMC; Harlon Block, USMC; Franklin Sousley, USMC; Rene Gagnon USMC; Ira Hayes, USMC; and John Bradley; Navy Corpsman just thought i'd throw that in there :)
  • DarxStar - July 1, 2009 11:08 a.m.

    GTA IV Unpatriotic? Someone's gonna pay! Wait I'm a Canadian with only a Wii and DS, what do I care?
  • Billiam101 - July 1, 2009 8:19 p.m.

    one more thing france is the best (joke)
  • bobbyjkl - July 2, 2009 11:01 p.m.

    What is this Superman 64 game? I've never heard about it before. Recaptcha: Formulas [unreadable]
  • noobeater - December 23, 2008 1:06 p.m.

    America_FTW needs to learn his history ...well said treners (note- on D-Day the brits landed and lost far less men then the americans) and randy chimp america and americans love themselves way too much great article all the same GR
  • LongRusty - December 30, 2008 10:57 a.m.

    In referece to Americat_FTW 1.You never thought us in WWII, you joined the war after you got your arses handed to you at pearl harbour by the japanese when you realised you were not quite so strong as you thought! 2. Actually we were the first country back on french soil after the retreat from dunkirk, we were meeting up with french resistance while germany STILL occupied it all. And then we were the first country to invade France, coming in on wooden gliders, at one location only 60 men took the most important bridge in normandy, which was defended by a Panzer division and 3 company's of german troops. 3. And who started 2 Wars lately that they are actually losing? Oh yeah, the good ol' US of A. Get your facts straight, frickin little 13 year old
  • neon-rainbowz - January 20, 2009 6:20 p.m.

    Don't get me wrong, I'm an American, I just dislike this country VERY MUCH, but FINALLY we get an awesome president :D (Obama!!!). But besides that, we suck.

Showing 1-20 of 54 comments

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