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10 reasons to hate every console


The PSP might be technologically beefier than the DS, but it is no less hateable. Having faded into semi-obscurity in the US, it is nonetheless kept afloat by a regular trickle of Japanese RPGs and occasional Sony-published would-be blockbusters. Even considering its inoffensiveness and years of regular improvements, there’s still plenty here to rag on.

Firmware updates: These are easily the worst aspect of owning a PSP. Pop a new game in, and there’s a decent likelihood that it won’t work until you upgrade to the latest iteration of the PSP’s firmware. This means sitting through a lengthy download, followed by an even lengthier installation, and it’s always boring and disappointing and requires that the PSP either be plugged into an electrical outlet or fully charged. (Thankfully, it doesn’t have to be both anymore.)


Above: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Sucks batteries like a mofo: Speaking of keeping the thing charged, the PSP’s big screen and drive motor mean it takes a lot more power to run than, say, the DS, and it’s rare that you’ll be able to wring more than a few hours of gameplay from it at a stretch. That goes double if you’ve got the WiFi switch turned on. It also mysteriously eats power when it’s not plugged in, which you’ll find out if you ever leave it alone for a week or two and then try to play without charging first.

Lengthy load times: The problem here is a simple one: by the time your average PSP game starts up, cycles through its logo splash screens, checks your saves, loads a save and eventually loads up a level, you’ll probably already be done in the bathroom.


Above: Oh, are you finally ready? We got tired of waiting, sorry

The analog nub: The rough little disk that passes for a thumbstick on the PSP is awkwardly placed, imprecise, uncomfortable to use and – in late-model PSPs – doesn’t even snap off so that you can replace it with one of the more comfortable replacement pads offered by third parties. And that all might be excusable, except for the fact that there’s only one of them.


Above: THIS THING RIGHT HERE

Which leads us to the next reason…

Developers refuse to work within its limitations: We can understand the temptation here – the PSP’s power approaches that of a PS2, and that should mean you can develop PS2-sized games for it, right? Well, no. For whatever reason, seemingly every PSP developer seems think it’s their duty to create a shooter for the handheld, and so far none of them have done it particularly well.


Above: STOP DOING THIS

The lack of a second analog nub means the system just isn’t suited to console-style FPSes and 3PSes, but so far that hasn’t stopped anyone from trying to shoehorn them in. Instead of continually trying to ignore the PSP’s limitations, it would probably be better for everyone if more developers just tried to create good games within them.

Slow-ass web browser: That the PSP has a built-in browser at all is cool, but trying to actually use it is an exercise in masochism. It’s slow, it chokes on image-filled pages and it can’t display anything that requires newer versions of Flash. If you have a PS3, you’re actually better off using its browser through the Remote Play feature. Speaking of which…

Remote Play is still largely a gimmick: Being able to play PS3 games from anywhere is a pretty appealing proposition, but to date only a handful of games (and pretty much every PSone game, but we're not counting those) actually support the Remote Play feature, which can link your PSP to your PS3 from anywhere in the world... so long as you leave your PS3 on, and whatever wireless network you’re using doesn’t mess up the connection. Probably the biggest reason most games don’t support it is that the PSP’s lack of a second thumbstick and shoulder buttons means creative solutions have to be devised to get games to work right, and even then some of them don’t play well enough for the feature to be much more than a cool novelty.


Above: LEGO Batman is one of the few PS3 games to support Remote Play... which kind of begs the question of why you'd ever buy the PSP version

UMD movies were a ripoff: They might fill bargain bins now, but when the UMD movie format was first introduced, it didn’t take a genius to figure out they were a bad idea. They were more expensive than DVDs, but offered no extra features and held less data. They required the drive motor to be in constant motion, which meant watching a movie could wipe out your entire battery all by itself. They also couldn’t be played in anything except the PSP, either, and as Memory Sticks big enough to hold movies became more affordable, they weren’t really worth bothering with even after being deeply discounted.

TV connection hates SDTVs: Don’t own an HDTV? Then you’re not going to be able to take full advantage of the PSP-to-TV output feature that was introduced with the PSP Slim. Sure, the system will load up and display nearly everything, but the second you try to play a game, the system will politely tell you that you’ll need a TV that can do at least 480p resolution before it can display.


Above: As good an excuse to upgrade your TV as any

The most popular games just get ported to PS2 anyway: Want to play Ratchet & Clank: Size Matters, either of the Grand Theft Auto Stories games or Silent Hill: Origins? Then play them on an actual TV, like God intended.

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104 comments

  • aaron171 - April 25, 2011 1:38 p.m.

    i know this is article is over 2 years old, but some gamecube games ported to the wii weren't all that bad. Okami, Zelda: Twilight Princess, Resident Evil 4 (better on the wii IMO because of the aiming and added content), and last but not least, Metroid Prime trilogy
  • DARK_SIDE - January 5, 2010 5:36 p.m.

    hahaha great article GR! bring on the hate. haha snob!! the "incomprehensibly creepy"...couldn't...stop...laughing!! music lovers + DS = unhappy person(possible insanity). upgrade?...NNNNOOOOOO!!!! I think the analog nub is fine where it is though. haha mistyped "Ooops - that's not what was written in the image. You may be a robot. Try again"
  • kaneman - December 2, 2009 5:41 a.m.

    "Even the disappointing MotorStorm: Pacific Rift came straight from Sony." Im sorry gamesradar is usually spot on but motorstorm is one of the most fucking awesome racers ever, the graphics are awesome the tracks are awesome and diverse and u can play your own music so the above statement is complete and utter bullshit.
  • AuthorityFigure - November 23, 2009 10:27 a.m.

    Wii controls: "This shit isn’t putting you in the game – it’s taking you out of it like never before." I think GR better go back and read some of its own reviews!
  • BoneyardWolf - April 19, 2009 5:03 a.m.

    WTH is a GameCube? And are those gamepads? How the hell do u hold that thing?! It looks worse then the Xbox pads. Eww.. Thank God for PS's Dualshock.
  • samdamana - April 15, 2009 3:52 a.m.

    I CANZ PLEY CRYSIS ON DA MAX!!!!! YOU CANT YOU POOOOOOR NOOOOOOOBS!!!! HAHAHAHAH NO LIEF=NO CRYSIS (I jk)
  • TheAnswer - April 5, 2009 6:33 p.m.

    I agree with gamesradar a little because every system has its flaws like the 360 makes you pay unneccesary amounts of money for there stupid accessory if microsoft can payrockstar that much for an add on why cant they just come out with a system with ever ything built in like sony but on the other hand microsoft has a good selection of games which would b the only reason id get one Now sony in my opinion is my favorite.psn online is great and the online connection is great wifi or not and yes your internet connection does have a lot to do with your online connection asswipes. and even though downloading the updates for your games is kinda shitty lol ( im downloading an upgrade right now thats been going on for an hour) its not exactly required if u just want to play. And also if i hear another fucking complaint about there being to many assholes when u play online xbox live or psn fucking deal with it theres assholes every fucking where and no there not going anywhere no time soon
  • RedOutlive10 - April 4, 2009 11:11 p.m.

    I don't own a Wii but I feel bad for the ones who do. I would buy a Nintendo console mostly for the homemade awesome franchises such as Zelda, but there's no Wii Zelda game yet, just a GC port. While at it, the "casual" (I would classify them as crap because you can't tolerate a casual session of them) floods the game selling stands. Doh.
  • ppopopp - April 2, 2009 11:55 p.m.

    Well you guys keep doing it. I LOVE your top xx articles. Man...
  • TripleAD - April 1, 2009 7:11 p.m.

    The random crap you find on the Wii really makes my blood boil. Xbox 360 FTW
  • lxTylerxl - April 1, 2009 4:37 p.m.

    This article is total bull. The PS3is the best system ever made and for you to compair it to the Gamecube? That's just wrong and for all you little Bill Gates dick suckers the PSN is not one bit laggy I have a Xbox and a PS3 and I play online with both and i found that the PS3 actually is better than Xbox because you dont have people and their stupidity on PS3. And this last one goes out to GamesRadar SCREW YOU who cares if sony makes their own exclusives their Japanese they know what they are doing especially with those games you mentioned let me see here Halo series made by??? MICROSOFT Gears of War series?? MICROSOFT!!! And xbox charges for EVERYTHING even online which you shouldn't pay for because you already have to pay for internet PS3 PS3 PS3 PS3 PS3 PS3 is the best console ever and its so expensive because wi-fi and bluray is build in GamesRadar shove this whole article up you stupid little asses.
  • UsernameAlreadyInUse - April 1, 2009 2:37 a.m.

    lol this is the first thing i found when i looked up snob http://thewholegardenwillbow.files.wordpress.com/2008/04/snob.jpg
  • gmilf71 - April 1, 2009 1:23 a.m.

    by the way, upon reading some more of these comments, there are some major A-hole x-bots and ps-fanboys, and its really starting to piss me of. and psn is free for a reason. ITS CONECTIONS SUCK!!!!!!
  • villainstone - April 1, 2009 midnight

    "Windows Vista is an abomination" What a bias NOOB statement. Where did this guy crawl out of? I would like to get one serious viable reason Vista sucks. I will not say that it is the best OS, then again there is no best. With that statement he really blew his credibility out the windows.
  • drgnrbrn316 - March 31, 2009 2 p.m.

    @Cernunnos I'm not looking to get into an Xbox vs PS3 debate with you. Yes, it was good business to plunk down money to secure exclusive content, that wasn't my point. My point is that for all your talk of the customer coming first, R* essentially signed a deal that told the people who owned the ~5.5 million copies of PS3 GTA4 where they could stick their game, which ranks just short of half of the install base for the game. If it was about customers, they'd have created content that would see sales from 12 million gamers instead of taking a chunk of cash and flipping half those gamers off in the process. I realize its business first for any company, but that is a pretty blatant move that shows that Rockstar is willing to throw you under the bus if someone wants to pony up the cash.
  • Cernunnos - March 31, 2009 8:16 a.m.

    @drgnrbrn316: GTA IV is far better than san andreas, if only GTA IV had the hydra (or any other plane) it would be perfect. GTA IV coming to 360 WAS a fan-service. at that time, how many people owned ps3-s? and how many of those were likely to be GTA-fans? by making it multiplatform they made it accesible to more fans, much more fans. MS dont buy exclusives to screw sony or its fans over, but to ensure the 360 a good line-up. seing as the sales for the ps3 would have most likely been halved had it not been for MGS4, everyone can see the power of good exclusives. if anyone is evil, its sony. basically saying they want costumers to sell their kidney in order to afford a ps3, claiming it to be oh-so unique and then copying almost every aspect of the 360's functions with firmware updates. the customers are number 1, which is WHY rockstar favoured the 360, it has bigger install base, hence more GTA fans (and money, of course).
  • tjawesome - March 30, 2009 10:55 p.m.

    i totally agree about the umd movies, what were they thinking? it would make sense if it could be used in another machine or something.
  • darkside17 - March 30, 2009 9:05 p.m.

    I love the week of hate
  • GamesRadarMikelReparaz - March 30, 2009 8:51 p.m.

    @yonderTheGreat: The complaint isn't that the 360 should include built-in WiFi - it's that there's no reason for the WiFi adaptor to cost $100. Not when PC wireless cards cost around $15, and the Wii and DS manage to include WiFi and still be the cheapest systems on the market.
  • Sonneilon - March 30, 2009 8:33 p.m.

    It would seem to me that MS shelling out $$$ for exclusives makese sense. GR might hate it, but that needs to happen to separate the consoles. Isn't that how Sony got big with the PSX? By having games that was only for it and couldn't be played on the Sega DC? Sony needs to step up and have the 3rd parties get in on the act. Sure, Sony's got great games and all... I dunno, maybe it's a typ of business strategy. Rely on 3rd party or buy up 3rd parties to produce. Hmmmmm....

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