7) Paralyze people
Learning the ways of a mage can unlock incredible magical powers, like burning the flesh from enemies’ bones or summoning undead warriors. Far more enjoyable, though, is to paralyze people on stairs, freezing them solid, and then giggle hysterically as they clatter rigidly down. The look on their faces as they stiffen and sloooowly topple over is worth the hours of practice it takes to learn the spell. OK, so it’s far from noble, or heroic, but you’ll laugh so hard you’ll make mead come out of your nose.
8) Initiate the apocalypse
Sheogorath is the god of madness, and has a suitably wacko mission for those willing to take it - travel to a backwater village called Border Watch and convince the inhabitants that it’s Judgment Day. The residents have been waiting for the end of the world for years and have been looking for specific signs - namely a plague of rats and the death of their livestock. Trigger these portentous events and Sheogorath will respond by sending the third and final sign - a rain of flaming dogs. Well, we did say he was mad.
9) Get naked
Make an offering at the shrine of Sanguine, the god of hedonism, and there’s a special assignment. The Countess of Leyawiin is hosting a dinner party, and Sanguine wants someone to gatecrash and “liven things up” with a spell called Stark Reality. This spell strips everyone down to their underwear. It doesn’t go down well. Chaos erupts as the semi-clothed guests run around screaming and the guards come out swinging. Escape intact and there’s a chilly walk back to the shrine in leather Y-fronts.
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